I Cried At The Pharmacy

It was the beginning of the year in 2013. I was preparing to leave in a few short days for a trip to Europe for about 2 weeks. As any betic knows you must be totally prepared. Overstocking is essential for every "just in case" scenario out there. My carry on was filled with my supplies. I had ordered more insulin. Went to the pharmacy. Then it felt like the worst thing happened....the insulin I was using was no longer covered.

The pharmacists told me Humalog was no longer covered by insurance and I panicked. Called my mom and handed the phone over to the pharmacist. I could tell she was trying to buy one vial of insulin just to get me by until it was figured out. I could tell this when the pharmacist stated "Well one vial is $535". We clearly didn't have the money for that. 3 vials was my prescription back then. Tears formed in my eyes.

The awkwardness of the situation was felt. I could tell that he was uncomfortable. But why wouldn't he, I mean he just told me I couldn't get my life sustaining medication nor could I even afford a single vial of it. And he was a man and I was a girl crying at the desk. I assured him it wasn't his fault.

Fortunately the other fast acting insulin was covered. The formulary had changed. I guess Novo Nordisk made a better bargain for the insurance company than Eli Lilly did that year. Yes they are similar insulins but I wouldn't consider them exactly the same. Plus my doctors office was able to give me a sample of my old insulin to get me through my trip. Starting a new insulin so far away from home was not something I wanted to do.

This is a big problem in the healthcare industry. All they want is money. Insurance will get out of paying anything at all costs. Big pharma is the worst, keeping patents by tweaking the insulin formula just enough so another company can't make a generic. I know many diabetics who struggle to get the right insulin they need. Its either you have shelter and die or have life sustaining medication and forget about shelter. Might sound like an extreme example but it can be a reality. And thats not including test strips, glucose meters, syringes, and the doctor appointment that gives you all of these prescriptions.

Its truly a sad thing when Sir Fredrick Banting and his partners Dr Best created insulin(in the 1920's) and sold it to the government for a few bucks to save lives. Then the government gave it to pharmaceutical companies to mass produce it, improve it, and they have been making billions ever since.

For all you normies seeing some diabetics who aren't taking care of themselves the way you feel they should, take a step back. Some might not be able to afford everything necessary to truly take care of themselves. And many might not want to admit it or ask for help.

Keep you chin up and stay positive my friends. Better things will come.

It's a 15/15 Rule But I Ate The Whole Fridge

Any diabetic from the beginning is taught if you have a low blood sugar treat with 15 grams of fast acting carbohydrate and maybe a few crackers and wait 15 minutes. In theory this model would probably work wonders to get my blood sugar up and not send it sky rocketing.

But sometimes when I have a low, self control is limiting. I wake up from a low in the middle of sleep. Sometimes the only words I could get out was "food, i need food". Then i grab the first thing that I see and shove it in my mouth. It is probably one of the worst feelings to experience. One said it feels like you have been starving for a long time. I think its undescribable. A decent panic in your brain.

Every type 1 has probably experienced a binge eating low. This is the kind of low you may look like an animal who has been sent loose in a buffet. Anything you see you eat. The food combinations never make sense. And everything tastes so amazing, even the small things.

For example, I have woken up from a low first thing I saw entering the kitchen was big marshmallows. I didn't even like them at the time. Shoveled five in my mouth. Tasted amazing. Another time I was low I ate a few scoops of homemade cookie dough while getting the milk for the three big bowls of cereal I ended up eating. Got ahold of the already made cookies-ate 3, some chocolate pieces, more cookie dough spoonfuls and more I cannot remember. And it all tasted so good I didn't want to stop. Food when low tastes better than food from a five star restaurant. All within 10 minutes or less.

I have learned one thing to help keep from bingeing and that was eating an apple. Apples take forever to eat. I drink juice before the apple and generally by the time I am done the feeling is gone. In the meantime I fulfill the panic to eat until I feel normal again. And it is a bit more healthy than cookies and cookie dough.

For any normy I or any other type 1took food from during a low, we apologize. But you did just save a life so think of yourself as a rockstar for that.

Keep your chin up and stay positive my friends.

It's More Than A Full Time Job

There is that motivational poster. You know, the one with the ice berg. The top of the iceberg that anyone can see, sticking out of the water is labeled success. Below the water, much bigger in size, is labeled hard work, focus, failure, dedication, persistence and whatever else got the person there. I feel like it is used a lot for sports and academics for success there. But it is essentially diabetes, the numbers, and how the person got there.

A couple months ago I had an a1c of 7.1 which is a very good level for anybody. I was disappointed since I had been in the 6's. I knew I had slacked off for awhile. after seeing that number the perfectionist in me came out. Recommendations were given by my endo and I took off with them.

I started trying to give my insulin at least 15 minutes before I ate which helped not having a spike. Then I wouldn't get angry at seeing my dexcom numbers all over the place, become bummed, and stop wearing it. I also gave myself a personal goal of being below 200, 90% of the time. Started working out more. 3 whole months. Nonstop. And I achieved what I wanted to do. Though trying to be perfect comes at a cost. The worry then is hypoglycemic unawareness, a discussion for another day.

It was hard not becoming obsessed over every number. A goal was to be good, but not so much that I was going to burnout. Burnout happens to every diabetic at some point in their life. There is no vacation. Actually it's more work to go on vacation. This disease doesn't ever stop, even when you sleep.

For the normies out there, don't look at a diabetics number and freak out or criticize. That betic may have tried so hard for the day to even get a number in the low 200's or an a1c lower than their last. They should be able to feel good about whatever they accomplish. Its called "checking" because "testing" means there is a pass/fail point.

Everyone's goal is not going to be exactly the same. Believe in yourself and you can do it. Be proud of what you accomplish. Keep your chin up and stay positive my friends.

No Such Thing as a Diabetic Diet

Some of you may have just read that and thought "You are crazy, there is a diabetic diet". But no there is not. There is no such thing as a diabetic diet. That was one of the first things that was said in my nursing school lecture on this disease. A " diabetic diet" is simply a healthy diet that everybody should be eating.

There are a lot of people who see me eating a cookie or donut and immediately say "You shouldn't be eating that, you have diabetes". Serious or jokingly it can start to get old. Especially after hearing it for the past 16 years. I am allowed to eat anything I want, I just have to think about it a little more than the normies(a person without diabetes) out there. Everything in moderation is recommended for everyone.

People assume that I shouldn't be eating any sugar at all. The reality is that sugar is saving my life most of the time. I mean just look in the diabetic section of the store, you find almost straight sugar in gels, drinks, and tabs. They might come back and say that those are fine, but candy is super unhealthy for me.

With that being said people need to get a reality check. Candy and sweets are just as unhealthy for them as it is for me. A good rule of thumb for all the normies out there is to not say anything at all. Example, if someone brings a plate of cookies into the room and out of the 12 people only one is diabetic and everyone else is healthy, don't say anything to the diabetic. If you aren't going to criticize everybody "healthy" in the room for eating that same cookie then don't criticize the diabetic. The diabetic probably knows more about their health than you know about your own. And they know they are eating a cookie, they aren't dumb.

Hell for all you normies know, that chocolate donut with chocolate frosting just might be saving my life.

By the way I love cookies and donuts.

Keep your chin up and stay positive. Don't let the normies get you down.

My Type 1 Beginning

It was the beginning of my fourth grade year. Waking up every night every 15 minutes to pee. Then I would be so thirsty I would want to drink something. My 9 year old self even went through the fact that if I kept drinking water, I would have to get up in 15 minutes and go pee again. The thirst won every time. It was excruciatingly unquenchable.

It was a Friday when my mother took me to the doctors. The only thing I wanted was an A&W rootbeer float. Driving into the parking lot she told me it could be a urinary tract infection or diabetes. I didn't know what diabetes was so I asked. My mother told me I would have to watch what I ate and count carbohydrates like for my morning snack. Diabetes at this point did not sound to shabby. Plus, a urinary tract infection sounded embarrassing to tell my friends back at school for why I missed a day.

I don't remember if they poked my finger or if I peed in a cup. The lady doctor came in and gave us the news. I had type 1 diabetes. My mother started bawling right away and the doctor comforted her. Not one for crying I waited for the doctor to leave the room then I started crying. Heck, I didn't even know what we were crying about. The doctor finally returned, said that the two childrens hospitals they called were full though one was willing to make room. The other option was to stay in our local hospital. My mother was still very devastated, it had barely been 15 minutes of time lapsed from the news. The doctor looked at me for a decision and I chose to stay in my hometown. Little did I know what childrens hospitals had to offer.

Instructions were given to go straight to the hospital and to not stop anywhere. It was almost like getting the dreaded card in the game of Monopoly stating "Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200$". We arrived and a nurse, looking very nervous, stood there with a wheelchair. She confirmed who I was and told me to get in the chair. I stated very matter of fact " I can walk". She then declined my generous offer to walk and rushed me up to the ICU.

About 5 nurses pounced on me. Turning on monitors, taking my vitals, and placed an IV all within 5 minutes it seemed. The tv was turned on and everything seemed to be ok. I spent one night in the ICU and one night on a regular medsurg floor. Then I was discharged.

That was the weekend when my life and my families life changed. That was the beginning and there is so much more to the story.

Needless to say, I never got that rootbeer float I wanted that day.