I Cried At The Pharmacy

It was the beginning of the year in 2013. I was preparing to leave in a few short days for a trip to Europe for about 2 weeks. As any betic knows you must be totally prepared. Overstocking is essential for every "just in case" scenario out there. My carry on was filled with my supplies. I had ordered more insulin. Went to the pharmacy. Then it felt like the worst thing happened....the insulin I was using was no longer covered.

The pharmacists told me Humalog was no longer covered by insurance and I panicked. Called my mom and handed the phone over to the pharmacist. I could tell she was trying to buy one vial of insulin just to get me by until it was figured out. I could tell this when the pharmacist stated "Well one vial is $535". We clearly didn't have the money for that. 3 vials was my prescription back then. Tears formed in my eyes.

The awkwardness of the situation was felt. I could tell that he was uncomfortable. But why wouldn't he, I mean he just told me I couldn't get my life sustaining medication nor could I even afford a single vial of it. And he was a man and I was a girl crying at the desk. I assured him it wasn't his fault.

Fortunately the other fast acting insulin was covered. The formulary had changed. I guess Novo Nordisk made a better bargain for the insurance company than Eli Lilly did that year. Yes they are similar insulins but I wouldn't consider them exactly the same. Plus my doctors office was able to give me a sample of my old insulin to get me through my trip. Starting a new insulin so far away from home was not something I wanted to do.

This is a big problem in the healthcare industry. All they want is money. Insurance will get out of paying anything at all costs. Big pharma is the worst, keeping patents by tweaking the insulin formula just enough so another company can't make a generic. I know many diabetics who struggle to get the right insulin they need. Its either you have shelter and die or have life sustaining medication and forget about shelter. Might sound like an extreme example but it can be a reality. And thats not including test strips, glucose meters, syringes, and the doctor appointment that gives you all of these prescriptions.

Its truly a sad thing when Sir Fredrick Banting and his partners Dr Best created insulin(in the 1920's) and sold it to the government for a few bucks to save lives. Then the government gave it to pharmaceutical companies to mass produce it, improve it, and they have been making billions ever since.

For all you normies seeing some diabetics who aren't taking care of themselves the way you feel they should, take a step back. Some might not be able to afford everything necessary to truly take care of themselves. And many might not want to admit it or ask for help.

Keep you chin up and stay positive my friends. Better things will come.

Stop,Think-What if There Was A Cure

Many possibilities in the future so long as they get through the FDA. But have you ever thought of what it would be like to have a cure all of a sudden. Like what would your reaction be if today, your doctor called you and said "Come in, we have a cure".

I don't think about the idea often because I have come to learn it is unrealistic, at least any time soon. Better methods to treat are right around the corner, but I am talking a real cure, no more insulin, no more pricks.

First thing I would do is cry. Tears of joy of course. I feel like my world would change so much. I feel like it would change me more than when I was initially diagnosed as a kid. I don't remember what it is like to be a normie. I do not remember a time where thinking about it wasn't on my brain.

Second, I would go out an eat a nice meal with two desserts and a lot of sugar. I know I am allowed to eat that stuff now, no such thing as a diabetic diet. But I wouldn't have to worry if I gave enough insulin. Or should I give more. Or did I give to much. Was it complex carbs or simple sugars that I ate? Will it last awhile in my system or will it be out in no time and have a crash? I wouldn't have to think about that anymore. Then I could go exercise without having to make sure there is a juice box readily available.

Third, I feel like I would have to reshape how my mind works. What my mind thinks about? What it worries about? Since diagnosis there is a pretty good bet that half of my brain is simply used for diabetic thinking and thoughts. What do normies think about on a daily basis? I would be a new normie. OMG. What kind of world would that be like.

Fourth I would actually have money to save. Good amount of my income goes to live saving medications and products. Endo appointments. Eye appointments that some normies haven't gone to in years. I wouldn't have to think of the best country to move to if the next president screwed up and got rid of healthcare altogether somehow(I know, that would never happen). But its still on my mind like all the people preparing for the zombie apocalypse, same idea to me.

Fifth, I would save that money and travel the world. Yes I could do it now but it's a bit more complicated than a normie doing the same. No more questioning if I would have enough supplies or insulin for the trip or if it would be stored correctly.

I wouldn't ever give up having this disease. It has made me into the person I am today. Gave me discipline. It can be a bummer at times, yes. Burnout happens, yes. But it has given me a look on life I may not have had before. It gave me a second family I see at camp every year, people to connect with. It gave me you the reader to connect with.

Whether there ever comes a cure one day or not we are all there for one another.

Keep your chin up and stay positive my friends.

One day.

Haven't You Heard, There's A Cure

Cinnamon, eating raw foods everyday, probiotics, arginine, avocado, flaxseed, and many many more. Many people offer these cures and suggestions trying to be helpful. They may help control glucose levels no doubt, but none are a cure.

Trust me, if cinnamon was a cure I would be eating a cinnabon every single day. You wouldn't have to force me for that one. I would eat anything, do anything to be cured. If a cure existed, I would know about it before you telling me. 

One time Good Morning America put in one of their main headline stories for the day "Cure for Diabetes". But they never differentiated between the two types until the story actually took place 15 minutes later. People kept telling me that day "Hey did you hear there is a cure for diabetes?" They just heard the title and didn't watch the story. It was gastric bypass surgery for type 2 diabetes. It is awesome for them but it would never cure me. It might actually kill me.

After having type 1 awhile you begin to realize the cure is always 5-10 years away. You learn that mice and rats can essentially be cured of anything (lucky bastards). You look forward to new and better technology or drugs which is hopefully around the corner.

I can't complain too much though. I am very fortunate to get diagnosed in a time where new devices has vastly improved the lives of those with this disease. Continuous glucose monitoring, more accurate glucose monitors, insulin pumps that can suspend if you drop too low. Now if only all this stuff was affordable to everybody, it would make it ten times better.

There is also even better technology on the horizon with the artificial pancreas, the bionic pancreas, and encapsulation (I'm banking on the last two).

I appreciate the normies who think there is a cure for diabetes and are excited to let me know. Least it shows they care about me.

Reverse diabetes forever with a cookie down below. You can buy this book at Meijer. 

Keep your chin up and stay positive my friends!

Hey Nick Jonas

My last blog post spoke about how to treat a low. Technically speaking you should wait the 15 minutes. Or you are so hungry you gorge yourself on everything. But when Nick Jonas is on tour and performing on stage what does he do if he goes low?

Like really, lets think about this for a second. Would he be up on stage singing "Tryna break the chains but the chains only break me....hold up, stop the music, stop, my blood sugar is low. I need a 15 minute intermission". You can't just pause a whole concert like that.

Or does he make some cool signal with his hands on stage so his people know they need to throw him a juice box. Then he could rip the apple juice box open with his teeth all rocker like and look badass then throw it in the crowd. Some girl would catch it, begin to cry, and keep it forever.

I want to know the answer!!! But I will probably never know.

In all honesty I respect him for being an advocate for the type 1 community.

This blog post comes after two nights working from 7p-7a. Exhaustion makes you contemplate things you never thought of before. Don't judge.

Keep your chin up and stay positive my friends.

It's a 15/15 Rule But I Ate The Whole Fridge

Any diabetic from the beginning is taught if you have a low blood sugar treat with 15 grams of fast acting carbohydrate and maybe a few crackers and wait 15 minutes. In theory this model would probably work wonders to get my blood sugar up and not send it sky rocketing.

But sometimes when I have a low, self control is limiting. I wake up from a low in the middle of sleep. Sometimes the only words I could get out was "food, i need food". Then i grab the first thing that I see and shove it in my mouth. It is probably one of the worst feelings to experience. One said it feels like you have been starving for a long time. I think its undescribable. A decent panic in your brain.

Every type 1 has probably experienced a binge eating low. This is the kind of low you may look like an animal who has been sent loose in a buffet. Anything you see you eat. The food combinations never make sense. And everything tastes so amazing, even the small things.

For example, I have woken up from a low first thing I saw entering the kitchen was big marshmallows. I didn't even like them at the time. Shoveled five in my mouth. Tasted amazing. Another time I was low I ate a few scoops of homemade cookie dough while getting the milk for the three big bowls of cereal I ended up eating. Got ahold of the already made cookies-ate 3, some chocolate pieces, more cookie dough spoonfuls and more I cannot remember. And it all tasted so good I didn't want to stop. Food when low tastes better than food from a five star restaurant. All within 10 minutes or less.

I have learned one thing to help keep from bingeing and that was eating an apple. Apples take forever to eat. I drink juice before the apple and generally by the time I am done the feeling is gone. In the meantime I fulfill the panic to eat until I feel normal again. And it is a bit more healthy than cookies and cookie dough.

For any normy I or any other type 1took food from during a low, we apologize. But you did just save a life so think of yourself as a rockstar for that.

Keep your chin up and stay positive my friends.

It's More Than A Full Time Job

There is that motivational poster. You know, the one with the ice berg. The top of the iceberg that anyone can see, sticking out of the water is labeled success. Below the water, much bigger in size, is labeled hard work, focus, failure, dedication, persistence and whatever else got the person there. I feel like it is used a lot for sports and academics for success there. But it is essentially diabetes, the numbers, and how the person got there.

A couple months ago I had an a1c of 7.1 which is a very good level for anybody. I was disappointed since I had been in the 6's. I knew I had slacked off for awhile. after seeing that number the perfectionist in me came out. Recommendations were given by my endo and I took off with them.

I started trying to give my insulin at least 15 minutes before I ate which helped not having a spike. Then I wouldn't get angry at seeing my dexcom numbers all over the place, become bummed, and stop wearing it. I also gave myself a personal goal of being below 200, 90% of the time. Started working out more. 3 whole months. Nonstop. And I achieved what I wanted to do. Though trying to be perfect comes at a cost. The worry then is hypoglycemic unawareness, a discussion for another day.

It was hard not becoming obsessed over every number. A goal was to be good, but not so much that I was going to burnout. Burnout happens to every diabetic at some point in their life. There is no vacation. Actually it's more work to go on vacation. This disease doesn't ever stop, even when you sleep.

For the normies out there, don't look at a diabetics number and freak out or criticize. That betic may have tried so hard for the day to even get a number in the low 200's or an a1c lower than their last. They should be able to feel good about whatever they accomplish. Its called "checking" because "testing" means there is a pass/fail point.

Everyone's goal is not going to be exactly the same. Believe in yourself and you can do it. Be proud of what you accomplish. Keep your chin up and stay positive my friends.

Capri Sun- A Workout Necessity

Squat 12 reps of 115, rest. Squat 10 more of 120, rest. Squat a final set of 125, drink capri sun. This is basically my workout routine. Now I do a bit more than that before I really need my sugar, but it probably seems very out of place and a no no to people who are heavy into working out.

I used to go to Title Boxing classes which are amazing. Very strenuous exercises for an hour nonstop. Amazing for getting into shape, except for the fact that no matter what I did with my insulin or ate before the workout, I could never keep my sugar up. I was the only one on the sidelines chugging capri sun after capri sun, granola bar after granola bar all while my pump was on suspend. I finally gave up.

I have been trying to lose weight. Other than working out I have been counting calories. If I didn't have time to prepare for my workout well in advance it can be a struggle. Some days it seems I have to leave one full meals worth of calories just for the snacks I need to keep my sugar up to complete my workout. I use myfitnesspal app to help count my calories, and when I have to have too many snacks during a workout, I don't log that food. I essentially lie to the app. I make up the thought in my mind that the calories didn't count because they were needed to save my life. That is probably not helping my weight loss journey.

When I am very unprepared my snack choices seem even more out of place. Its whatever I can get my hands on. One workout I was chewing skittles furiously hoping the taste of the rainbow could save me. It did, a little too much at that.

Living with diabetes is a complete trial and error. It is a science to figure out. Worst part is that what works one day might not work the next. What works for one person does not work for another.

Don't ever give up. Exercise of any kind can have an overall positive impact on your levels.

Keep you chin up and stay positive.

No Such Thing as a Diabetic Diet

Some of you may have just read that and thought "You are crazy, there is a diabetic diet". But no there is not. There is no such thing as a diabetic diet. That was one of the first things that was said in my nursing school lecture on this disease. A " diabetic diet" is simply a healthy diet that everybody should be eating.

There are a lot of people who see me eating a cookie or donut and immediately say "You shouldn't be eating that, you have diabetes". Serious or jokingly it can start to get old. Especially after hearing it for the past 16 years. I am allowed to eat anything I want, I just have to think about it a little more than the normies(a person without diabetes) out there. Everything in moderation is recommended for everyone.

People assume that I shouldn't be eating any sugar at all. The reality is that sugar is saving my life most of the time. I mean just look in the diabetic section of the store, you find almost straight sugar in gels, drinks, and tabs. They might come back and say that those are fine, but candy is super unhealthy for me.

With that being said people need to get a reality check. Candy and sweets are just as unhealthy for them as it is for me. A good rule of thumb for all the normies out there is to not say anything at all. Example, if someone brings a plate of cookies into the room and out of the 12 people only one is diabetic and everyone else is healthy, don't say anything to the diabetic. If you aren't going to criticize everybody "healthy" in the room for eating that same cookie then don't criticize the diabetic. The diabetic probably knows more about their health than you know about your own. And they know they are eating a cookie, they aren't dumb.

Hell for all you normies know, that chocolate donut with chocolate frosting just might be saving my life.

By the way I love cookies and donuts.

Keep your chin up and stay positive. Don't let the normies get you down.

I Finally Felt Normal

When I say this or anybody says this the response is "Well you are already normal", whatever that may be to them. But its the only way to describe the feeling. That is the feeling of going to camp, for the first time and every year since.

In high school I had a falling out with one of my best friends. I was never sure what happened but it was truly a blessing in disguise. I became upset though instead of being depressed and not doing anything about it, I decided I needed to find new friends. Being from a small school your choices are limited. Then the idea hit me, I was going to go to diabetes camp. A new adventure.

It was recommended to me for year though I always had the excuse that I had soccer or softball or something else going on. But now I was finally ready to go. Went on the computer and googled camps around me. I found Camp Ho Mita Koda and that they had a teen weekend. Immediately I signed up.

My first diabetes camp weekend ever felt amazing. I felt normal. Other type 1 diabetics surrounded me and understood what I wad saying. They understood my frustrations. They understood what it meant when I said I was high or low. They understood me. I was elated. They had sessions to talk about things we may deal with. I learned a great deal from that first weekend.

The next year I became a counselor in training. Took a summer off due to school/college class. Then I switched camps.

It was hard to do but the feeling was the same. I was normal their. My second camp became my second family and home. Each year I can't wait to go back and see all my diabuddies and be a role model to all the kids.

Because of camp I decided to get on facebook. It was when it was new to the planet. I initially didn't think I really needed one. But now it's like my support group away from camp. I can stay in touch with my diabetic friends as well as make new connections and discover new things to do like the dTreat for young adults (you should go) or the Friends for Life conference in Orlando Florida(I want to go).

Sometimes I just wish there was a town just full of type 1's. It could be similar to camp. Juice box and checking stations at every corner. A field to play all the awesome camp games. A river or lake to go canoeing. Just a dream but it would be amazing.

Honestly it was probably my biggest regret growing up and not going to camp. But its the best recommendation that I give now. Even if it's not camp or camp isn't for you, find support in the type 1 community. Even if you're a parent, there is support for you too. Just google it. GO TO CAMP/FIND SUPPORT from people like you and make a diabestie like I did.

Keep your chin up and stay positive my friends.

It Became Second Nature

After I was released from the hospital my mother let me have the next day off from school. We went to Walmart with my sister and at that age, it was weird to learn the world keeps on moving even though you are stuck at school. After that it was back to school, back to life with a twist.

I don't remember much of what I thought in the first week or first year. Since I have had my ups and downs with the disease. At times wishing I didn't have it at all though always ending up being grateful for the person it made me.

Everybody always asks what age I was when I was diagnosed. I tell them 9 (which is not the youngest) and they feel bad. They shouldn't. At that age your life still really isn't yours, its still controlled by your parents for the most part. I still didn't know what my life was about and grew with my diagnosis. Regardless of the age when you are diagnosed, Type 1 eventually  becomes second nature. After awhile, you forget what it was like to not have it.

I essentially became a little adult. Out of all the other kids I had to be more responsible for myself. Had to be prepared with insulin, glucose meter and glucose where ever I went. I had to know how much insulin to give myself and when. Had to know how to inject myself with insulin. I had to know my body, was I feeling low or was I feeling high. All this and more went through my mind along with all the childish things like boybands, playing on the playground, and slumber parties.

Biggest thing I regret is not getting more support sooner, but more on that in another post.

Keep your chin up and stay positive my friends.

My Type 1 Beginning

It was the beginning of my fourth grade year. Waking up every night every 15 minutes to pee. Then I would be so thirsty I would want to drink something. My 9 year old self even went through the fact that if I kept drinking water, I would have to get up in 15 minutes and go pee again. The thirst won every time. It was excruciatingly unquenchable.

It was a Friday when my mother took me to the doctors. The only thing I wanted was an A&W rootbeer float. Driving into the parking lot she told me it could be a urinary tract infection or diabetes. I didn't know what diabetes was so I asked. My mother told me I would have to watch what I ate and count carbohydrates like for my morning snack. Diabetes at this point did not sound to shabby. Plus, a urinary tract infection sounded embarrassing to tell my friends back at school for why I missed a day.

I don't remember if they poked my finger or if I peed in a cup. The lady doctor came in and gave us the news. I had type 1 diabetes. My mother started bawling right away and the doctor comforted her. Not one for crying I waited for the doctor to leave the room then I started crying. Heck, I didn't even know what we were crying about. The doctor finally returned, said that the two childrens hospitals they called were full though one was willing to make room. The other option was to stay in our local hospital. My mother was still very devastated, it had barely been 15 minutes of time lapsed from the news. The doctor looked at me for a decision and I chose to stay in my hometown. Little did I know what childrens hospitals had to offer.

Instructions were given to go straight to the hospital and to not stop anywhere. It was almost like getting the dreaded card in the game of Monopoly stating "Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200$". We arrived and a nurse, looking very nervous, stood there with a wheelchair. She confirmed who I was and told me to get in the chair. I stated very matter of fact " I can walk". She then declined my generous offer to walk and rushed me up to the ICU.

About 5 nurses pounced on me. Turning on monitors, taking my vitals, and placed an IV all within 5 minutes it seemed. The tv was turned on and everything seemed to be ok. I spent one night in the ICU and one night on a regular medsurg floor. Then I was discharged.

That was the weekend when my life and my families life changed. That was the beginning and there is so much more to the story.

Needless to say, I never got that rootbeer float I wanted that day.